Elom reflects on Scott's reflections: Regretful?

I have been dreading this post… Regret.

Regret has held me back for a very long time. Regret is one of the reasons it took me so long to realize that God is merciful, and that He wanted to forgive my past sins. Many of the regrets I have are related to willful disobedience. I knew that some of the decisions I made were completely wrong, and would end up hurting everyone involved, but I would act on these decisions anyway. Consequences? I didn’t want to deal with them just yet, I could think about them later… The only problem with this philosophy is that later always came sooner than I expected.

One of my favorite songs: “Non, je ne regrette rien” (I have no regrets) by Edith Piaf is, I think, a good example of how God wants to show His mercy. The entire song talks about how the singer doesn’t regret any of the things (good or bad) she has done, or the things people have done to her. She doesn’t care about the past, she is starting over. I love the end of the song when she says about her new love:

“I have no regrets,
Because my life and my happiness start with you”

It really is all about the clean slate made possible by the Son of God. He already forgave me, because He loves me.

“(Love) keeps no records of wrongs” 1 Corinthians 13:5

I can spend months, years focusing on the past regrets, and it can be therapeutic in a way. I have definitely learned a lot from my past! On the hand, how long is too long? I sometimes need to make a conscious effort to forgive myself, the way God has forgiven me. I also need to make more efforts to obtain the forgiveness of others I have hurt. Each time I feel this sense of guilt (next week’s topic) or regret creeping into my heart, I remember that:

“God did not send his Son into the world to condemn to the world, but to save the world through him” John 3:17

God is merciful!

EED

$15.97...

...is what I spent on Sunday for:
- 4 pairs of shorts (the current temperature in New Orleans is close to 100 degrees!)
- 4 short sleeved shirts
- 1 pair of comfortable pants (recommended during the insulation process)

The Goodwill store is a wonderful place! I am almost done packing.

We had another meeting on Sunday, and we went over most of the final details. 4 women (including me) are going for the first week. 3 of us were at the meeting and agreed to share a hotel room (55 bucks divided by 3= cheaper than 55 bcuks by myself!). We are also driving down together.

This is the schedule so far:

Saturday, July 26: Meeting at 6:30 AM at the Vineyard.
Drive down to New Orleans: Approx 13 hrs
Sunday: First day of work- Insulation
Monday- Thursday: dry wall/ mud taping/ paint, tile
Friday: drive back to Dayton

I am sad about missing the last segment of the never-ending (jk) emotional roller coaster series, not working with the kids, missing a ministry training class, an outreach event, and the WOW service while I am gone. I am also a little nervous, but I am more exited than anything else! I cant wait to see how God will use me and each one of us during this trip. Plus, it turns out that hanging dry wall MAY not be as difficult as it sounds...

EED

Elom reflects on Scott's reflections: Free!

"So, if the Son sets you free, you will be be free indeed"
John 8:36

Alright, I am free! He saved me! But wait... what now? What do I do with this freedom He gave me?

I had a very interesting conversation with another 20 something Christian the other day, and we were both wondering how to lead a "normal" & Christian life with all the temptations around us. We both knew that we were saved, but does that give us the right to do anything we want? We were interrupted before we could reach a conclusion, but the conversation took an interesting turn when we both agreed that we needed to use caution when making certain decisions. For instance, I used to think that drinking to oblivion with my "friends" was the best way to spend my weekends. I really didn't need to be a Christian to realize how crazy that last statement was, all I needed was common sense...

For a while there, I didn't know what to do with my new found freedom. I knew I didn't want to return to my old ways, but I had no idea of what to do next... I didn't want to abuse it, or worse NOT use it at all! This all changed the first time I went to our food pantry one Thursday morning. I finally used my freedom, and became a servant... what a concept! Choosing to become a servant? Choosing to serve Him? To serve others? Something happened that Thursday morning, as I was washing plate, after plate, or simply listening to people. He has shown me several other ways to serve Him since that day, but I always refer to this experience to explain how I understood the meaning of freedom. I think King David described it best in Psalm 119:45

"I will walk in freedom for I have devoted myself to Your commandments"

EED

Thank you!

In case I forgot to tell you this recently, Thank you God!

Thank you for NEVER giving up on me, even when I am ready to give up
Thank you for comforting me,
Thank you for the people you have placed in my life,
Thank you for the people you have led out of my life,
Thank you for using me, and challenging me
Thank you for leading me by the hand, even when I try to break (un)free

Thank you God!

EED

I saw you!

Scene: after the service last weekend.

J: Hey! I saw your video the other day. You are a star!

Me: Me??? Are you sure? Did I ever tell you I have a twin sister? You must be talking about her...

J: You are in church! You can't lie! You'll get zapped!

Me*nervously looking up*: Oops... Sorry... all right, it was me...

How to tell my story?

I missed the first two "Just walk across the room" sessions for different reasons, but I was really glad I went to this one. The theme of this past session was "The Power of Story" or how to share my story with others. The following verse was used as an introduction:

"Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope you have" 1 Peter 3:15B

I am always glad to share my story of hope, but I think it is sometimes hard for people to relate to some of the things I have experienced. I am never sure of where to start, or how to turn my kind of sad story into a story of hope. I am not a big fan of the "Oh! You poor thing..." or the "Oh! Get over it already!" looks on people's faces.

We watched a video which listed the common mistakes people make when sharing their stories:

• long stories ("It all started when I was about 4 years old...")
• fuzzy stories ("I knew I was looking for something, I found that something...")
• superiority stories ("I have always led a righteous life, and I will pray for you to do the same..")
• religionese stories (lengthy discussions on the Kingdom, the rapture, the Tribulation...)
• weird God stories (dreams, visions, prophetic words, healing stories...)

We were invited to share our stories in groups of two and three BEFORE and AFTER watching the video. My story was closer to the weird God story. There are some experiences that I still can't explain, but using a weird God story might be a little unsettling for some people and might actually freak them out... My partner had a long story, which was really fascinating, but I probably would have tuned him out if he was trying to share his story in a different setting.

The point of the exercise was to learn to share my story by following these three simple steps: life before Christ- Christ- and life after Christ. Well, in my case, it is more about a reconnection story, than a conversion story, but the principle is the same. My story needs to brief, but interesting enough to catch the listener's attention, and invite questions.

Still working on it....

EED

Hungry...

I was recently described by a fellow blogger & Christ follower as "hungry for God". I like that. I feel like that sometimes. How do I find Him? How can learn more about Him? How can I hear what He has to say? I think He likes to poke me sometimes, and remind me not to look too far.

The most recent example is actually kind of funny... I was reading the Bible this past weekend, and became very irritated when my sister interrupted me to ask something. I kind of ignored her, grunted something back and kept reading. The VERY next verse I read was Isaiah 58:7. I just looked up, and started laughing uncontrollably! You really can't make that up!

EED

Math lesson

This high school memory is one my favorites.

Scene: senior year, math class with Mr. B, the meanest math teacher I have ever met (every year he would start a rumor that he would retire over the summer, but he always came back!). I had just finished solving a problem on the blackboard.

Mr. B: Are you done?

Me *nervously*: Yes...

Mr. B: Are you sure?

Me: Hmm... Yes....

Mr.B: Well, I want you to grab the eraser, and erase the last line... and the line before that... and the line before that... and the line before that... in fact, just erase everything, and go back to your seat. It's all wrong!!!!

My friends got a great laugh out of that at recess! I was embarrassed for a minute, but I laughed too, because I knew that Mr B. was mean to everyone.

Sometimes, that's really all I can do... look back at some the stuff I did, and just laugh about it!


EED

Not my will...

I had my entire weekend planned, to the most insignificant details... And wouldn't you know it, I have been a little sick all week.
Crazy Ohio weather + pollen = headaches + sore throat + dizziness and other fun stuff... at least I don't have a runny nose!
Feeling better today though, but again not my will, but Thy will.

EED

Elom reflects on Scott's reflections: Worried?

The question this week was: what am I worried about?
The question should have been: what am I not worried about?

I am worried about my mom, my dad, my little brother, my little sister, my baby brother, my friends, my car, my electric bill, finding my remote control, pursuing my purpose, getting an ulcer from worrying so much.... I used to wake up in the middle of the night, and just lay there, feeling so anxious and worried, with my mind racing faster than Marion Jones (too soon for Marion Jones jokes?)

I remember reading the gospel of Matthew a few months ago, and everywhere I looked, Jesus kept asking me "Why do you have so little faith? Why won't you trust me?" I mentioned in an earlier post that I feel like a different person since I let God take over. Every sense of control I thought I had over my life feels like a giant illusion. It's actually pretty scary, but very liberating at the same time. Worrying about events I can't control feels almost pointless.

Well, only almost... I place all my worries, hopes, dreams and fears in His hands, but sometimes (usually late at night, or when I drive alone for more than 30 minutes), my mind starts asking questions again. "What if...? Then what?" I wish I could stop this cycle, but I also know that once I calm down, I start feeling His peaceful and comforting presence. There really is nothing like it. All I need to do is have faith in Him.

"You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. " Matthew 8: 26

I used to worry so much about what people thought about me. Just yesterday, a friend of mine commented on me "having it all together". By the way, what does it even mean to have it all together? I think it's all part of the illusion... A few months ago, I would have been so happy to hear his comment, but last night, all I said was: "I don't think so, but I try..."

EED

Why do I blog?

Why not just journal? Well, I do both. Some posts are inspired by my journals... the "creative process" is very different when I blog and when I journal… but, I digress. Back to the main question: "why do I blog?".

I personally love searching for and reading random blogs on the world wide web… Most of them often inspire me, or are just plain funny. I read one the other day, where the writer was sharing a beautiful conversation with God. It sounded like a conversation I had with Him before, and it felt like I had to hear it again from someone's else perspective. It's pretty cool to think that a few people out there stop by this page and get a similar reminder, a chuckle, or are simply distracted for a few minutes.

Blogging has also been very therapeutic. It's a weird/indirect way for me to share my experiences, struggles, worries, questions… I actually can't wait to read these lines in a few months/years and see if I have made any progress. I may take a few steps back, who knows? Well, God does.

Man! I have SO much to learn...

EED

Memories...

I have been thinking a lot about high school lately... Found this 11 grade picture online. Silly uniforms! I am on the right side...not looking at the camera, of course!
Funny!

EED

In my America (part 3)

I have been writing this series of poems over the past few years. Parts 1,2 &4 are scattered in different (and lost) journals... I'll keep looking. Here is part 3- written on 4-1-06

In my America, there were dreams that are only half way fulfilled
There are friends who no longer need to be loved, reassured or called
There are fading hopes and dreams, never to resurface again in fear of being crushed

In this America, politics, truth, sex and lies are on the front cover of every magazine
And murders make the 6'o clock news

In my America, there is him
Who needs bigger and better things
Who needs to realize his own dream

In my America, I never want to have to lean on anyone again

In this America, I cry myself to sleep sometimes
I wonder what the next day might bring
Only to wake up to live the same day over and over

Is this America I dreamed of?
I am not sure anymore.
All I know is that pretending might be the only way to survive in this America I have created..

EED

Odd conversation

Scene: some shop at the mall

Me: "Hum... I don't really like these sandals. You can really see my toes. I don't like my toes... They are so long! Do guys look at toes?"

My brother: "Trust me they don't! Guys are either attracted to you or not. Toes don't really make a difference..."

Me: "Well, what if you were kinda interested in a girl, but you realize that she has really long toes. That would turn you off, right?"

My brother: "If her toes turn me off, it means that I probably wasn't that interested in the first place!"

... Despite this convincing argument, I ended up buying closed toes sandals... Only because they were REALLY cool & comfortable!

EED

Colossians 3:18-21

Rules for Christian Households

" 18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged."

These verses puzzled me for weeks, well the first verse more than the others... Submission? Cultural differences and personal bias prevented me from understanding the deeper meaning of these verses. They now make sense on so many different levels... not just in the context of husbands and wives, parents and children; this passage also teaches about obedience as a fundamental part of my walk with the Lord. I had help reaching this conclusion of course, but it really hit me late last night, and everything just seemed to fall into place:

19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.
Matthew 28:19-2o

EED

Elom reflects on Scott's reflections: Disappointed?

When I first told my friend PH about this wonderful new church I found, with such wonderful people, and such a wonderful staff… etc, she said:

-“That’s great honey! But, you need to make sure that you are there for the right reasons, and don’t put anyone, especially the church leaders, on a pedestal! I can tell you from personal experience that you will be very disappointed, if you do…”

At first, I thought “Gee! Thanks for the support!” But looking back, I am really glad she said that, because knowing me, I probably would have gone a little overboard, and ended up being really hurt and disappointed over something insignificant. I love my church, and respect everyone there, but I also know that despite all their efforts, they are only human... I talked a bit about trust issues in the last reflections, but I forgot to mention that I have learned to trust completely in the Lord, and here is HIS promise when I do:

“Then you will know that I am the LORD; those who hope in me will not be disappointed.” Isaiah 49:23

It doesn’t say that everything I ask for will be granted if I trust in HIM. If that were the case, I would be happily married to some rich celebrity (ideally Adam Levine from Maroon 5!), or at least have working A/C in my car.... Instead, I think it says that I will not feel disappointed when things don’t turn out as I expect. It's not about systematically rationalizing what happens in my life, it's about trusting the plans God has for me, even through (what I consider) failures. Wow! That actually sounds pretty deep-jk

Again, this is easier said than done. I get disappointed, even when I set low expectations. A few weeks ago, one of my best friends drove down from KY to see her parents, and we made tentative plans to catch up while she was here. I didn’t really have high hopes, because she has three adorable kids, and I know it's hard to make plans when you have so many people involved. I still have to admit that I was really sad when she didn’t call me by the following Monday, which is when she was supposed to drive back home. Things didn’t really turn out the way I wanted that weekend, but it also meant that I was able to go and help out at an outreach event…

Setting lower expectations not only means that I don’t get too disappointed when things don’t work out, it also means that I get great surprises when they do! I know I can make it through any situation, as long as I have God by my side… It's easy for me to forget, but I always try to remember that:

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love HIM.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

EED