Life is changing so fast...

I am little nostalgic tonight. Life is changing so fast...

One of my closest friend from high school is getting married in December. She is so happy, and ready to start this new adventure. The funny thing about this, she did not want to get married. Growing up, it was me, Sagal and Eva.... the 3 musketeers! Sagal was the least likely to get married. HAHA. She is getting married in Mali, West Africa, and I will miss her special day.

Another close friend from college just had her first baby a few days ago (read her beautiful and touching birth story on this link). And you guessed it... she did not want to have children. HAHA! She gave birth to a healthy 7lbs,1.3 ounces, 19.4 inches babygirl.

In both cases, they sound so happy about the unexpected turns in their lives. It gives me hope that God's timing is always perfect, that He listens to our plans and gently smiles, knowing that His are for superior.

Congratulations to both of you!

PS: Hijabee if you read this, let me know when would be a good time to come up for an overdue visit.

EED

Scars

Back in my senior year of high school, I fell.

I was running track, focused on the finish line, and the next thing I knew, I was lying on the floor, bleeding. I have played the scene back in my head time and time again, and I still can't figure out what happened. My shoes were perfectly tied, my pants were loose enough, the wind wasn't blowing at all, I wasn't pushed... I fell.

I didn't break anything, but my entire left side was covered in bruises: my left shoulder, my left elbow, my left knee, my left cheek were all covered in blood. It could have been worse, I guess. The point is... I quit running for a few years. Every time I tried to put on running shoes, I would still feel the sting in my left side. I would remember feeling helpless on the floor, while my friends were trying to lift me up and take me to the school nurse. I got over the fear of falling a while back, but it doesn't mean that I forgot about the pain...

The scars eventually disappeared, but the one of my left shoulder remains . I noticed it in the mirror the other day (it's actually barely noticeable unless I point it out). Seeing it made me think about fear, healing and forgiveness. It's sometimes very hard for me to let go of negative feelings that have followed me around for years. They are hard to let go because they feel so familiar, like the scars I used to carry. When I start feeling this way, I try to remember that I ended up running again. The fear is gone...

EED

Something happened- Part 2

A lot has changed since last year.

I have met incredible people, established wonderful friendships, served in my church, community and total strangers in New Orleans, studied His Word, cried, laughed... discovered what the term "church family" means... I don't think I have learned so much about myself in a long time. I have learned about myself mostly by serving others. I joke with my friends and tell them that the voices in my head tell me to be nice to people.

I remember talking about this to my friend SS a few months ago. I was telling him that the scariest part of my transformation wasn't so much what I was doing or what was happening to me, but the fact that I might not have/feel the same fire one day. Instead of lecturing, or encouraging me, he simply said:

-"Well, if it all ends one day, at least it would have been a great experience. Wouldn't you say so?"

Very encouraging! But seriously to answer his question, I would definitely say so... I can't help but be a little pessimistic at times, and question some of my motives when I do an outreach, or serve the poor, or something of that nature. The answer is kind of complex but to summarize it, it would be because of what God has done for me.

Pastor Doug often talks about the three phases of our relationship with God. First there is the honeymoon phase, then confrontation, then reconciliation (I can't remember the exact terms he used...). My honeymoon phase lasted a few days. Before I could really process what had happened to me that Sunday, I was faced with a major decision: getting up or staying down? Following Jesus or the outside world? Depending on my own strength or relying on my Heavenly Father. The choice was fairly easy to make...even though it didn't feel like it at the time. Hindsight REALLY is 20/20.

Some time last week, I bought a ring with the inscription: "Faith + Hope + Love". So far, people have called it my promise- commitment- purity- dorky- nerdy- cool looking ring. To me it really is a reminder of what God has done in my life:

- HE restored my faith
- HE gave me hope
- HE showed me the meaning of true love



It really doesn't matter how long this will last, the bumper stickers are right:

"It's not about the destination, it all about the journey!"

EED

Something happened- Part 1

Something happened a year ago today...

I gave my life back to Christ, and He gladly took it back. By then, I had been going back to church for a while, but I was one of the "back row" people, who according to Pastor Doug cannot be trusted :) I was just content, coming to church on Sunday morning, not talking to anyone, listening to a practical and meaningful message, and go on about my business. That didn't last long, especially after that. My world was turned upside down.

I wrote the following entry in my journal, in an attempt to recreate what happened that day... The message was titled "What to do when you are afraid to roll the dice"; after hearing it, I asked Jesus to show me what to do because I was TERRIFIED to roll the dice. (I edited a few personal sections...)

" OK, let's recreate the scene. I am sitting in the back of the church, another face in the crowd, silently crying, first in my heart, before the tears start rolling on my face. The man sitting next to me grabs his wife's hand and holds it tight. I am obviously making him uncomfortable, but seeing someone being so vulnerable seems to stir up something in him.

Pastor Doug finishes his message, and I think I am going to be fine now. He says, the usual:

-"Grabs your neighbor's hand and let's pray".

I grab the uncomfortable man's hand, and I cry and cry even more. What is happening to me??? Pastor Doug invites anyone who needs prayer to come up and be prayed for. I stand frozen in my seat. Will I go up? I don't know. I could as easily go back to my car, drive home or Yellow Springs, and "process" the message, as I do every Sunday. Instead, I find myself walking against the crowd. I see Joy, and Sarah and Nate. It would be rude not to say hi, so I stop and say hi. They look at me strangely, they can tell something is wrong... I feel like walking back, but I can't. I need to keep going. I am so close.

I finally make it to Pastor Doug. I walk up to him and immediately think "Wow! He is so tall in real life!!!". I tell him how I almost didn't make it to church this morning, but I KNEW I had to be there. He asks me what I need prayer for, and I tell him. He listens, prays for my situation for less than 10 seconds, tells me some things I haven't told anyone, and prays some more. I stop for a second, look at him, say thank you, and quickly leave... I am not sure how to feel. How does he know? What just happened?"

What happened? God was invading my heart is what happened... more on that later... I am bit tired today....

EED

First steps

I saw my dad's eyes filled with pride when he gave me this picture this past May. My very first steps... I was an early walker. My dad says that I was in such a rush, I just couldn't wait to stand up on my own and start walking. I haven't changed much.

I wonder what I was looking at... My mom (my dad was taking the picture)? A goal? My own finish line? It almost looks like I am pondering or something, probably thinking:

-"Ok, I am up...now what?"

I feel like I have been running rather than walking with Him. I am not racing against anyone, I just find it hard sometimes to slow down. Maybe I am afraid that if I do, I might not have enough energy to keep going. I am not a risk taker, or an impulsive person by any means, that is I take at least 2 days before making any major decisions (just kidding!). Still, I find myself taking risks I never thought I could take, simply because I have faith. I rarely understand why I decide to step out of my comfort zone, but the reasons usually unfold over time.

-"Faith is spelled R-I-S-K"

I keep running because I want to get closer to Him, but also because I like the idea of encouraging others to do the same. I like to imagine that My Father in Heaven was as proud of me, as my earthly father when I took my first steps.

EED

How a single & random act of kindness changed my life

I have mentioned a few times that my story was more a story of reconnection than of conversion. For a long time, I was convinced that I could rely on my strength to do anything, which obviously didn't work very well. There are times/encounters that you intuitively know will change your life. I have wanted to write about one of the important steps of my story of reconnection, but I don't think I can capture the meaning of the encounter that would change my life for the better. I'll give it a try...

Here is how a seemingly insignificant conversation changed the course of my life.

It happened about 2-3 years ago. It was a rather difficult time in my life... the beginning of my quarterlife crisis. I was working at the Cheesecake Factory at the time, where I started as a baker and ended up learning almost everything, but that's not relevant to the story. I was working one afternoon, and it was a relatively quiet shift, which was really unusual for that time of year (late summer). Every one else in the bakery was "phased", meaning that I was the only one working that afternoon.

In comes a customer, and I automatically plaster the usual friendly smile on my face. He notices my accent (I do have a weird accent...) and asks where I am from. I tell him that I am from Africa, and he says that he recently went to Africa, Rwanda to be exact, with his church. He asks me if I think there will ever be a real reconciliation process in Rwanda. I remember thinking "How am I supposed to know?... Man! the things you have to do to get a nice tip!". At the same time, I was really intrigued... Don't get me wrong, I met nice customers once in a while, but this was different. This felt like a deliberate act of kindness. We chit chatted for about 5 minutes and he left. I remember thinking "What!?! No tip for the conversation!!!"- lol. My coworkers and I had ongoing debates on whether to tip cashiers or not. I won't get into the details of the debates, but really he didn't have to tip me.

The entire time this customer and I were talking, I noticed B.S (funny initials- I know...) staring at us, which I thought was rather nosy & rude. After the man left, she ran to my register and said:
-"Do you know who that was?"
-"Hum no... Should I have asked for an autograph?" (Note: I met Kevin Pollack, Mandy Moore and a few local news people while working there-lol)
-"His name is Scott and he is the pastor at the Vineyard!"
-"Hum...okay... so?"
She started telling about her church, and just like that... a seed was planted. I have been looking for B.S at the church, but she must have moved on...

It took me almost a year and a half to set foot at the Vineyard... my excuse.... I didn't know where it was. Anyone who lives in Dayton will find this ludicrous, because the Cheesecake Factory is 5 minutes away from the Vineyard, it's literally down the street! (link to Mapquest) I simply could not get into my brain that Indian Ripple Rd and Dorothy Lane were one and the same. I was lost... REALLY lost. My mom really wanted my sister and I to go back to church, and that's how I remembered hearing about the Vineyard and finally decided to check it out. I attended one service, and I knew I was home.

The really funny thing about this story is that I didn't even recognize Scott. He did the announcements at church every week, led worship sometimes and even gave messages, but I wasn't sure if it was him or not. I simply figured that he must have moved on too. I almost approached him after one service, but decided against it, because I didn't want to sound weird, in case it wasn't him. It wasn't until months later, when I heard a sermon in which he specifically talked about being in Africa that I finally connected the dots.

Funny how God used a 5 minute conversation to make such an impact on my life!

I was mudding the ceiling of Beulah Land Baptist Church in New Orleans a few weeks ago, and I stopped for a minute to call my new friend Peggy over. I had told her my story earlier in the day and I asked her:

- "Do think God knew I would be here today when I met Scott years ago?"

She just smiled, and I smiled back...

I know HE did.

EED

Math lesson

This high school memory is one my favorites.

Scene: senior year, math class with Mr. B, the meanest math teacher I have ever met (every year he would start a rumor that he would retire over the summer, but he always came back!). I had just finished solving a problem on the blackboard.

Mr. B: Are you done?

Me *nervously*: Yes...

Mr. B: Are you sure?

Me: Hmm... Yes....

Mr.B: Well, I want you to grab the eraser, and erase the last line... and the line before that... and the line before that... and the line before that... in fact, just erase everything, and go back to your seat. It's all wrong!!!!

My friends got a great laugh out of that at recess! I was embarrassed for a minute, but I laughed too, because I knew that Mr B. was mean to everyone.

Sometimes, that's really all I can do... look back at some the stuff I did, and just laugh about it!


EED

Memories...

I have been thinking a lot about high school lately... Found this 11 grade picture online. Silly uniforms! I am on the right side...not looking at the camera, of course!
Funny!

EED

My baby brother

Well, not baby anymore.. He is sixteen now, and just graduated high school today!!! I am so proud of him!

I remember the day he was born… I was ten, and I was so exited to have another brother. My dad decided that my brother and I couldn't go to the hospital because we hadn't finished our homework... When my sister came back from the hospital, I asked her what he looked like, she said:

-"Ses cheuveux sont tous boucles!! Et, il est tellement clair!! " ("He has curly hair!! And he is light skinned!!").

This became our favorite joke for a long time.. she still doesn't find it funny! I just asked her-lol

He used to make me carry him everywhere we went, until he turned about 5-6. I reminded him of that a couple of weeks ago, and he said that he didn't remember it, which made me kind of sad... From a young age, he was the ultimate daredevil, and weird things kept happening to him. He broke his front teeth (TWICE), got seriously burned with hot water, was poisoned by accident, got run over by a cab… All this happened before he was ten years old!

And then, all of us older siblings, started leaving one by one. Before long it was just him, mom and dad. He started hanging out with a bad crowd, and making some poor decisions...He still has a few issues, but he is doing much better now! He hasn't really decided where he wants to go to college yet. I know that he really wants to be here, with us. At the same time, he was offered a pretty generous scholarship in France...

I will pray for him to make the right decision, and will try to guide him as much as I can. SO PROUD!!!

EED

3 things I wanted to be/do when I grew up

1- a boy. I hated that girls had to learn to cook, wear earrings, wear skirts, and everything else associated with being a woman in the part of the world I am from (I love you, Mom!). I vividly remember the time my mom and I went shopping for my first pair of jeans! She promised me that I could buy a pair when I turned 12…. It was one of the happiest day of my life! I still have these jeans, and I can't believe I ever thought they looked cool…ewww! It is so ironic that growing up in a traditional society turned me into a kind of feminist. I say kind of, because while I am a rather independent person, I still believe that men and women are meant to support each other, not be completely dependent on each other, or fight each other.

2- dancer/writer. I am not sure how I was planning to do both... Writing while I danced? Writing about dancing? I still dance (in my room of course...), and obviously I still love to write...

3- make a difference. I let that dream escape me for a very long time, but not anymore...

EED