Something happened a year ago today...
I gave my life back to Christ, and He gladly took it back. By then, I had been going back to church for a while, but I was one of the "back row" people, who according to Pastor Doug cannot be trusted :) I was just content, coming to church on Sunday morning, not talking to anyone, listening to a practical and meaningful message, and go on about my business. That didn't last long, especially after that. My world was turned upside down.
I wrote the following entry in my journal, in an attempt to recreate what happened that day... The message was titled "What to do when you are afraid to roll the dice"; after hearing it, I asked Jesus to show me what to do because I was TERRIFIED to roll the dice. (I edited a few personal sections...)
" OK, let's recreate the scene. I am sitting in the back of the church, another face in the crowd, silently crying, first in my heart, before the tears start rolling on my face. The man sitting next to me grabs his wife's hand and holds it tight. I am obviously making him uncomfortable, but seeing someone being so vulnerable seems to stir up something in him.
Pastor Doug finishes his message, and I think I am going to be fine now. He says, the usual:
-"Grabs your neighbor's hand and let's pray".
I grab the uncomfortable man's hand, and I cry and cry even more. What is happening to me??? Pastor Doug invites anyone who needs prayer to come up and be prayed for. I stand frozen in my seat. Will I go up? I don't know. I could as easily go back to my car, drive home or Yellow Springs, and "process" the message, as I do every Sunday. Instead, I find myself walking against the crowd. I see Joy, and Sarah and Nate. It would be rude not to say hi, so I stop and say hi. They look at me strangely, they can tell something is wrong... I feel like walking back, but I can't. I need to keep going. I am so close.
I finally make it to Pastor Doug. I walk up to him and immediately think "Wow! He is so tall in real life!!!". I tell him how I almost didn't make it to church this morning, but I KNEW I had to be there. He asks me what I need prayer for, and I tell him. He listens, prays for my situation for less than 10 seconds, tells me some things I haven't told anyone, and prays some more. I stop for a second, look at him, say thank you, and quickly leave... I am not sure how to feel. How does he know? What just happened?"
What happened? God was invading my heart is what happened... more on that later... I am bit tired today....
EED
I gave my life back to Christ, and He gladly took it back. By then, I had been going back to church for a while, but I was one of the "back row" people, who according to Pastor Doug cannot be trusted :) I was just content, coming to church on Sunday morning, not talking to anyone, listening to a practical and meaningful message, and go on about my business. That didn't last long, especially after that. My world was turned upside down.
I wrote the following entry in my journal, in an attempt to recreate what happened that day... The message was titled "What to do when you are afraid to roll the dice"; after hearing it, I asked Jesus to show me what to do because I was TERRIFIED to roll the dice. (I edited a few personal sections...)
" OK, let's recreate the scene. I am sitting in the back of the church, another face in the crowd, silently crying, first in my heart, before the tears start rolling on my face. The man sitting next to me grabs his wife's hand and holds it tight. I am obviously making him uncomfortable, but seeing someone being so vulnerable seems to stir up something in him.
Pastor Doug finishes his message, and I think I am going to be fine now. He says, the usual:
-"Grabs your neighbor's hand and let's pray".
I grab the uncomfortable man's hand, and I cry and cry even more. What is happening to me??? Pastor Doug invites anyone who needs prayer to come up and be prayed for. I stand frozen in my seat. Will I go up? I don't know. I could as easily go back to my car, drive home or Yellow Springs, and "process" the message, as I do every Sunday. Instead, I find myself walking against the crowd. I see Joy, and Sarah and Nate. It would be rude not to say hi, so I stop and say hi. They look at me strangely, they can tell something is wrong... I feel like walking back, but I can't. I need to keep going. I am so close.
I finally make it to Pastor Doug. I walk up to him and immediately think "Wow! He is so tall in real life!!!". I tell him how I almost didn't make it to church this morning, but I KNEW I had to be there. He asks me what I need prayer for, and I tell him. He listens, prays for my situation for less than 10 seconds, tells me some things I haven't told anyone, and prays some more. I stop for a second, look at him, say thank you, and quickly leave... I am not sure how to feel. How does he know? What just happened?"
What happened? God was invading my heart is what happened... more on that later... I am bit tired today....
EED
No comments:
Post a Comment