Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
In progress...
Tonight, I did something I haven't done in a very long time. I cranked the music up and started dancing right in my kitchen. There was no special occasion, I wasn't particularly happy or anything... I just started dancing, and it felt good!
I have been in progress the past few months... Not sure how to explain it, but it has been (and still is) a pretty hard process to go through. Who said that the journey of faith was fun and easy? I think I want a refund! There are times when looking back just doesn't cut it, I still feel so stuck in the present and the current situation and the storms of life; that I can't move. I feel paralyzed and scared. The random dancing tonight was liberating, it was a way for me to feel alive again, to feel like there is a reason behind my sleepless nights.
Anyway, I better try to get some sleep... good night!
EED
I have been in progress the past few months... Not sure how to explain it, but it has been (and still is) a pretty hard process to go through. Who said that the journey of faith was fun and easy? I think I want a refund! There are times when looking back just doesn't cut it, I still feel so stuck in the present and the current situation and the storms of life; that I can't move. I feel paralyzed and scared. The random dancing tonight was liberating, it was a way for me to feel alive again, to feel like there is a reason behind my sleepless nights.
Anyway, I better try to get some sleep... good night!
EED
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
1st and 2nd Kings
It's been a while since I shared about my readings... so I am going to pick just where I left off: 1st and 2nd Kings.
If I had to pick just one word to describe these two books it would be "infuriating". It was really hard for me to get through the books. It's hard to explain why I felt that way. ..well, maybe not that hard. Most likely it was the familiarity I felt with the some of the obnoxious Kings and the people of Israel repeatedly defying God and making excuses every time. How many times can one make the same mistake over and over again? Irritating!
When I stopped to reflect on aspects of my life that followed the same pattern, I realized that I was infuriated with myself. I was getting tired of asking for forgiveness for things I keep doing over and over. I was getting tired of apologizing to my Heavenly Father for things, I should have "under control" by now. (Control? What is control anyway?)
Despite these strong feelings, I could see God working through these flawed people to show me that I AM flawed, and that it's OK. It is OK to be flawed, and confused and broken. It's OK to feel lost and insecure. That's why He is God and I am not. It sounds like the standards are set pretty low, but that's where grace, holiness, sanctification come into play. That's why He sent His only son. I am not going to turn into a perfect person overnight, but I can strive to live a life that is honoring to My Heavenly Father.
One verse that really spoke to me, and that I am hanging on to is from 2 Kings 8:19. After years of rebellion, and rejection of God's teaching to worship Him and Him only, I was finally happy to see the people of Israel get what was coming to them. That was until:
"... for the sake of his servant David, the LORD was not willing to destroy Judah. He had promised to maintain a lamp for David and his descendants forever"
I have read (and experienced) countless stories of God grace and mercy, but this one really got to me. He made a promise and He kept His promise, regardless of how corrupt and defiant David's descendants were. I think of the promises He still makes today, and I am just thankful that He cares more about His promises than my actions.
Maybe 1st and 2nd Kings were not so infuriating after all... maybe a better word would be eye opening.
Thank you, Father
EED
Note: I can't wait to read it again in a while...
If I had to pick just one word to describe these two books it would be "infuriating". It was really hard for me to get through the books. It's hard to explain why I felt that way. ..well, maybe not that hard. Most likely it was the familiarity I felt with the some of the obnoxious Kings and the people of Israel repeatedly defying God and making excuses every time. How many times can one make the same mistake over and over again? Irritating!
When I stopped to reflect on aspects of my life that followed the same pattern, I realized that I was infuriated with myself. I was getting tired of asking for forgiveness for things I keep doing over and over. I was getting tired of apologizing to my Heavenly Father for things, I should have "under control" by now. (Control? What is control anyway?)
Despite these strong feelings, I could see God working through these flawed people to show me that I AM flawed, and that it's OK. It is OK to be flawed, and confused and broken. It's OK to feel lost and insecure. That's why He is God and I am not. It sounds like the standards are set pretty low, but that's where grace, holiness, sanctification come into play. That's why He sent His only son. I am not going to turn into a perfect person overnight, but I can strive to live a life that is honoring to My Heavenly Father.
One verse that really spoke to me, and that I am hanging on to is from 2 Kings 8:19. After years of rebellion, and rejection of God's teaching to worship Him and Him only, I was finally happy to see the people of Israel get what was coming to them. That was until:
"... for the sake of his servant David, the LORD was not willing to destroy Judah. He had promised to maintain a lamp for David and his descendants forever"
I have read (and experienced) countless stories of God grace and mercy, but this one really got to me. He made a promise and He kept His promise, regardless of how corrupt and defiant David's descendants were. I think of the promises He still makes today, and I am just thankful that He cares more about His promises than my actions.
Maybe 1st and 2nd Kings were not so infuriating after all... maybe a better word would be eye opening.
Thank you, Father
EED
Note: I can't wait to read it again in a while...
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Here's to you! (from me)
My life took a tragic turn a few years ago when I returned to Christ on a chilly Sunday morning. My life has been nothing but chaos ever since.
First there was the deafening tug of war in my heart telling me to help somebody. What does that even mean: “help somebody”???? I struggled with questions like these for a while. People have always described me as a “nice person”, but I could already tell that this was way beyond simply being nice: it was about being kind. I had to relearn to be kind, to be kind to:
- the stranger sitting next to me during service (even though I like to concentrate on the message, rather than making small talk),
- to my coworkers (and actually mean it),
- to the person in line in front of me at the grocery store (even though they were paying the cashier with quarters)…
It is so much easier to be kind from afar.
After a few months of these exercises, I felt like it was time to do just a little more. A little being the key words here. I simply was not ready for anything too crazy, or adventurous. So, I naturally ended up in New Orleans, covered in fiberglass from installing insulation (very itchy!), and gutting an abandoned house after a flood. So much for “a little”!
I settled down somewhat since that period of time, gaining a few pounds in the process. I have switched things a little, from just doing stuff to planning instead. I now have more headaches, but less body aches!
If you asked me why I do these things, I would have to answer that it is because the voices in my head tell me to. Well, not really… To me, it is more about the way I felt on that Sunday March morning years ago. I want the people I serve to feel that way. I want the people who read this to feel that way. I want everyone to feel that way! Until then, I’ll keep doing my part, will you?
Here is to more chaos! Hear, hear!
EED
First there was the deafening tug of war in my heart telling me to help somebody. What does that even mean: “help somebody”???? I struggled with questions like these for a while. People have always described me as a “nice person”, but I could already tell that this was way beyond simply being nice: it was about being kind. I had to relearn to be kind, to be kind to:
- the stranger sitting next to me during service (even though I like to concentrate on the message, rather than making small talk),
- to my coworkers (and actually mean it),
- to the person in line in front of me at the grocery store (even though they were paying the cashier with quarters)…
It is so much easier to be kind from afar.
After a few months of these exercises, I felt like it was time to do just a little more. A little being the key words here. I simply was not ready for anything too crazy, or adventurous. So, I naturally ended up in New Orleans, covered in fiberglass from installing insulation (very itchy!), and gutting an abandoned house after a flood. So much for “a little”!
I settled down somewhat since that period of time, gaining a few pounds in the process. I have switched things a little, from just doing stuff to planning instead. I now have more headaches, but less body aches!
If you asked me why I do these things, I would have to answer that it is because the voices in my head tell me to. Well, not really… To me, it is more about the way I felt on that Sunday March morning years ago. I want the people I serve to feel that way. I want the people who read this to feel that way. I want everyone to feel that way! Until then, I’ll keep doing my part, will you?
Here is to more chaos! Hear, hear!
EED
Monday, January 4, 2010
Is it twenty ten or two thousand and ten...?
...I am not so sure of the difference... What I am sure about, is how exited I am to start this new year. I can already see new challenges to face, new people to meet, new projects to take on! Of course, I look back at where I was at this time last year, and I can't help but think about the changes that have occurred since this January 2009.
I feel less scared, less worried, less intimidated by my circumstances. I feel a new confidence, and assurance that I am the right path. On the other hand, I can't help but wonder how callous my heart is getting. Am I building too many walls around me? I think I am... but I can't remember how to put them down. I can't remember why I put them up in the first place... Well, that's a lie... I do remember. I don't like getting hurt. I don't like opening up. I don't like bothering people. Sigh. Will I ever learn? I will... I am. In the meantime, I will keep walking, because I can, because I know I am the right direction.
Would you tell me if I weren't?
Happy new year!
EED
I feel less scared, less worried, less intimidated by my circumstances. I feel a new confidence, and assurance that I am the right path. On the other hand, I can't help but wonder how callous my heart is getting. Am I building too many walls around me? I think I am... but I can't remember how to put them down. I can't remember why I put them up in the first place... Well, that's a lie... I do remember. I don't like getting hurt. I don't like opening up. I don't like bothering people. Sigh. Will I ever learn? I will... I am. In the meantime, I will keep walking, because I can, because I know I am the right direction.
Would you tell me if I weren't?
Happy new year!
EED
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Elom reflects on Scott's reflections: Quick connect series
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:8-10
The gift of grace is still puzzling to me. It's the one gift I can never repay, the one gift I am and will always be thankful for. To think that I am God's workmanship is even more puzzling... It's hard to get my head around the fact that He uses flawed people to accomplish His will. I was convinced that I needed to have my life in order to do good works. And if my life didn't look good, well I could always pretend it was.
After receiving the gift of grace, I started getting the nudge to do something about it. Not to repay the gift (even though that was my first impulse), but to help others feel the same way I did. When I asked where I could start, my friend Scott shared a profound piece of wisdom with me:
"Start from where you are, with what you have."
OK, simple enough:
- Start from where you are: Finding a place to serve was easy. There are so many opportunities waiting to be filled. Not just in the walls in the church, but outside my comfort zone. I started looking around, listening, caring, and doing what I could. I simply figured that the good works prepared in advance for me to do had to be in there somewhere. I like to think that He honors every act of service we do in His name. I have seen and heard enough stories to be convinced that He uses the most random and routine acts to change people's lives.
- With what you have: I made a list of the things I was good at and started from there. After wondering why I didn't have certain gifts, I started focusing on the ones I have. There is a good reason I don't have the same talents as some of my close friends. We all somehow manage to complement each other when it comes to serving.
The Quick Connect series was all about using the gifts we have to help make a difference in someone's life. I remember reading somewhere that: "Small things done with great love will change to world". When I am not sure I am doing my part, I try to remember that what I did, I (hopefully) did in love, and that's all that matters really...
EED
The gift of grace is still puzzling to me. It's the one gift I can never repay, the one gift I am and will always be thankful for. To think that I am God's workmanship is even more puzzling... It's hard to get my head around the fact that He uses flawed people to accomplish His will. I was convinced that I needed to have my life in order to do good works. And if my life didn't look good, well I could always pretend it was.
After receiving the gift of grace, I started getting the nudge to do something about it. Not to repay the gift (even though that was my first impulse), but to help others feel the same way I did. When I asked where I could start, my friend Scott shared a profound piece of wisdom with me:
"Start from where you are, with what you have."
OK, simple enough:
- Start from where you are: Finding a place to serve was easy. There are so many opportunities waiting to be filled. Not just in the walls in the church, but outside my comfort zone. I started looking around, listening, caring, and doing what I could. I simply figured that the good works prepared in advance for me to do had to be in there somewhere. I like to think that He honors every act of service we do in His name. I have seen and heard enough stories to be convinced that He uses the most random and routine acts to change people's lives.
- With what you have: I made a list of the things I was good at and started from there. After wondering why I didn't have certain gifts, I started focusing on the ones I have. There is a good reason I don't have the same talents as some of my close friends. We all somehow manage to complement each other when it comes to serving.
The Quick Connect series was all about using the gifts we have to help make a difference in someone's life. I remember reading somewhere that: "Small things done with great love will change to world". When I am not sure I am doing my part, I try to remember that what I did, I (hopefully) did in love, and that's all that matters really...
EED
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)