Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Here's to you! (from me)

My life took a tragic turn a few years ago when I returned to Christ on a chilly Sunday morning. My life has been nothing but chaos ever since.

First there was the deafening tug of war in my heart telling me to help somebody. What does that even mean: “help somebody”???? I struggled with questions like these for a while. People have always described me as a “nice person”, but I could already tell that this was way beyond simply being nice: it was about being kind. I had to relearn to be kind, to be kind to:

- the stranger sitting next to me during service (even though I like to concentrate on the message, rather than making small talk),

- to my coworkers (and actually mean it),

- to the person in line in front of me at the grocery store (even though they were paying the cashier with quarters)…

It is so much easier to be kind from afar.

After a few months of these exercises, I felt like it was time to do just a little more. A little being the key words here. I simply was not ready for anything too crazy, or adventurous. So, I naturally ended up in New Orleans, covered in fiberglass from installing insulation (very itchy!), and gutting an abandoned house after a flood. So much for “a little”!

I settled down somewhat since that period of time, gaining a few pounds in the process. I have switched things a little, from just doing stuff to planning instead. I now have more headaches, but less body aches!

If you asked me why I do these things, I would have to answer that it is because the voices in my head tell me to. Well, not really… To me, it is more about the way I felt on that Sunday March morning years ago. I want the people I serve to feel that way. I want the people who read this to feel that way. I want everyone to feel that way! Until then, I’ll keep doing my part, will you?

Here is to more chaos! Hear, hear!

EED

Monday, January 4, 2010

Is it twenty ten or two thousand and ten...?

...I am not so sure of the difference... What I am sure about, is how exited I am to start this new year. I can already see new challenges to face, new people to meet, new projects to take on! Of course, I look back at where I was at this time last year, and I can't help but think about the changes that have occurred since this January 2009.

I feel less scared, less worried, less intimidated by my circumstances. I feel a new confidence, and assurance that I am the right path. On the other hand, I can't help but wonder how callous my heart is getting. Am I building too many walls around me? I think I am... but I can't remember how to put them down. I can't remember why I put them up in the first place... Well, that's a lie... I do remember. I don't like getting hurt. I don't like opening up. I don't like bothering people. Sigh. Will I ever learn? I will... I am. In the meantime, I will keep walking, because I can, because I know I am the right direction.

Would you tell me if I weren't?

Happy new year!

EED